Jokes and Humour

[zippy 1 duh]

 Jusst come here Pauly.........  Ill get M.I on you!!!!!   

O they are good uns tho  ROFLmao xxxx

[Burning Bot]

I didn't think you wanted to post them in that format, but will remember that in the future.

That's what the YouTube icon is there for ! Seriously, if it's an appropriate YouTube link, no problem. Only difficulty with posting links are if they lead to adverts or inappropriate matters ! (though I'm not certain that some of the blond girly brats may feel the second one 'inappropriate')

[zippy 1 duh]

BB2 just let me test emicons here ..a member has said cant post them....... just testing now .....                      

Now will post and see ... could be route server .

[zippy 1 duh]

Yep show up ok  as have Pauls You tube posts .... ? 

[zippy 1 duh]

Here's more from Zippy, folks!  


Subject: For those of who still remember Julie Andrews from 'Sound of Music'.... :-)

Read on.....and enjoy! It wouldn't be funny if it wasn't so true... Julie Andrews turned 69 - To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/ vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan 's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP (American Association of Retired Persons). One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music.' Here are the actual lyrics she used:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short, shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.  
  
I BET YOU ALL PUT THAT TO MUSIC  X

(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over
four minutes and repeated encores.) Please share Ms. Andrews' clever wit
and humour with others who would appreciate it.

   oh i can identify ..(still in testing mode x   )

[novice46]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rroMj7dpvs&feature=fvw

    

[zippy 1 duh]

          Get HM Rose banned from this thread...like now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!       

[novice46]

Here's an advert for the Ladies on GFS who train....

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCHKXICefFw" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCHKXICefFw</a>

 

[novice46]

Is this really a shoe advert ????

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qz-RhxSfRIA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qz-RhxSfRIA</a>

Calm down Scott think of the blood pressure..

[novice46]

Happy Easter To All.......................http://www.toilette-humor.com/easter/egg_toss.shtml

[novice46]

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.


'May I help you sir?' she asked.
 
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
 
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else', said the madam.

'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5,000
a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars
and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man
calmly left.
 
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see
Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in
a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price
was still £5,000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to
Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
 
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded
that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and
they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been
with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'.
 
The man replied, 'Bournemouth'.
 
'Really,' she said. 'I have family in Bournemouth.'
 
'I know.' the man said. 'Your old aunt died, and I am her attorney. She
asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance.'
 
The moral of the story is that there are three things in life that are
certain:
 1.  Death
 2.  Taxes
 3.  Being screwed by a lawyer
 
 

[zippy 1 duh]

    Love it Paul !!!  (and not a politician is sight    ) .....

[mepink53]

q.    what did the mummy bee say to the baby bee?
a.    behive yourself

[Mistress Rose]

Love that one Novice, it made me smile.  Just what I needed.

Heres one from me:

The Gynecologist

A Gynecologist had become fed up with the cost of malpractice insuranc and NHS paperwork and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career  where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.  He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynacologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he rang the instructor, and said, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the marking."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the mark.
You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark".


After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust, whichi I have never seen done in my entire career".

[zippy 1 duh]

      A touch of " Key hole engineering there then !  Like it !!